The Dance of Lance

After his remorseless, matter of fact confession on Oprah Winfrey's show, Lance Armstrong has not redeemed himself in the eyes of the world. So why do we care if he repents or not? Should we even care?

Okay, Lance is a cad; we all know that. His so-called confession coupled with his body language on Oprah's show reminds us that, even now, Lance feels more victim than transgressor. It clearly demonstrates the state of delusion in someone who connived and orchestrated the biggest sports doping scandal in recent memory.

So now that we know the truth we have to ask ourselves, so what?

Remorse
Let's assume for a moment that Lance showed true remorse during his confession, which he didn't. So what? Would that simple act absolve him of his crimes? Would it make him a better, more likeable person? Of course not! Lance's the man, man! He's the pope of dope, the treat of cheat, in the zone with cortisone and stoned on testosterone. He doesn't care what people think of him because if he did, he wouldn't have doped in the first place. Well, that's simpler said than done. The truth is he never thought he would ever get caught. The machinery behind his cheating was so intricate, it took a team member to rat out the conspiracy.

Of his confession, Armstrong's only concern was that of making a good impression on the USADA and other sports governing bodies so as to gain a pass for future triathlon competitions and possibly stave off having to pay millions in fraud settlements, although that last part is definitely a wet dream. Hey Mr. tally man, tally me a lawsuit.

Hell, no! My man isn't going to show remorse because as he himself said, he was just leveling the playing field. Besides, no self respecting, arrogant SOB ever displays remorse. That's for little people.

Concern
When you get right down to it, Lance's only crime is having been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. We don't care that he cheated; everybody cheats. We care that he got caught because that's a warning to all of us. A warning that the easy way out is not always the easiest way out. And if it's fame and fortune you're after, there are other easier ways to achieve the same goals of money, notoriety and hero worship. In fact, some of these other avenues even condone drug abuse.

And that's the real disturbing aspect of all this.

With dwindling natural resources and an increasing population, the chasm between the haves and have nots is pushing the world ever closer to a post apocalyptic setting. The result of this general feeling of hopelessness in the future is manifest in two ways: the need to accumulate wealth by whatever means in the shortest time possible, and the need for heroes.

Hero is a sandwich
Our need for heroes is bordering on the ridiculous; we make heroes out of anyone. More often than not, these are public figures or celebrities and they run the gamut from obscure to asinine. Such is our need for role models that we've even made heroes of cartoon characters. Here's the best part. People actually believe these superheroes exist and they live in the good ol' U.S. of A. I love coming out of a Batman or Spiderman movie and watching the kids beat their chests with pride shouting, "U.S.A, U.S.A.!" We praise policemen for serving and protecting even though that's exactly what it says on their cruisers. It's their job! Just today a woman fell onto the subway tracks and was saved by a policeman before being run over by the train. That's not being a hero, that's doing one's job. Will we now start calling our children heroes for going to school? What's that, we already do? No wonder they're such wimps.

But expectations are fraught with disappointment and in recent years few, if any, have lived up to the standard. The level of disappointment is so high we've even taken to searching out heroes in our preschools. We no longer allow our children to compete for fear it will mess up their self esteem, so we bestow medals on every child just for the mere fact of participating in some event. That way there are no winners, no losers. Just wait until they have to face the real world.

Fact is, the only hero that won't let you down is a sandwich. And it only costs $5.00.

Fame and shame
Money. We want it now and we don't want to work for it. This is today's mantra and people in power have been showing us the dog-eat-dog way. Financial scandals and political largesse are the biggest source of legalized fraud.

Why slave your life away when acting the fool or overhauling your body can make you more money than you ever imagined? We've all heard of the woman who became a man so that she could get pregnant and claim that "coveted" title of being the first man to give birth. Well, she may be a man in the eyes of the law but she has all the plumbing of a woman, except for a fake prosthetic penis. I wonder how she gets it up. Maybe she had a pump implanted as well. I'm sure he, she has made millions from selling his, her story. And all it took was a transgender operation and hormone shots.

This has been the norm lately. Make an ass of yourself but do it in a big way so that you get noticed and the money will start to roll in. And if in the process you have to get breast implants, a face lift, vaginal rejuvenation surgery, liposuction, asshole bleaching, buttocks padding, botox shots, hair coloring and skin whitening, do it. You'll feel like a new and improved person and you'll make your money back, and more, in no time at all; never mind that you have to act the fool or sell your dignity to achieve it. Just ask the guys at Jackass or Kim Kardashian.

The common denominator
So what do heroes and reality stars have in common? Instant gratification. This is what we're selling. You no longer have to go to the gym to achieve that coke bottle figure, pay for it. Need money? Steal it. Want instant fame? Sex it.

Fact is, hard work, dignity, restraint, honesty, humility and integrity, all those factors that give a person character and depth, are now pointless and irrelevant. You can have it all and you can have it now. Values are for losers.

No wonder we look for heroes in all the wrong places.